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An ear-splitting scream filled our entire section, full of patrons, at the local Chili’s… the type of scream that nothing can be done about. You see, when a child wants the bowl of hot salsa and is denied that desired treasure things can go well or they can go wrong. As I looked at two little arms bulldozing anything within reach I also heard a very long intake of air. Like a civil defense alarm that deep breath warned everyone about wave two, which was on it’s way. My two year old daughter’s eyes grew large and round and her jaw dropped in shock as she watched the kid at a nearby table erupt into a frenzy of screams. The other kid’s parents were in fluid motion with mom grabbing the kid in an olympic grade dash for the front door and dear old dad scooping up the extra baggage. In an award winning pinch play by their server tucked a bill under super dad’s arm telling him the front door manager could close things out at the bar.

As I began giggling I gently stroked my two year old’s cheek and assured her everything would be okay. “Now that’s what I call a temper tantrum!” I bounded out. There were chuckles among nearby tables, but not from my darling wife. Jodi looked straight into Rebekah’s cute little eyes and said “Don’t ever even think of trying that, these are your terrific twos.” A resounding “Daaaaaaaa” and that tiny pointing finger directed to the now empty booth resulted in a round of laughter that left my daughter screaming and banging on our table. The difference was that her scream was not ear piercing, it carried with it the glee of a little child’s excitement and a wonderful little slobbery smile came along at no extra charge. As my wife and I chuckled we quieted our kiddo down and enjoyed the remaining meal time.

There are a lot of facets to my story. One person would focus on the Herculean challenge and succinct execution by our two parents responding to their little child’s public meltdown. A second person might have something to say about how the server quickly responded. I’m going out on an entirely different limb and recognizing two words… TERRIFIC TWOS. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I’m saying it’s the words that matter because there’s much more to it. The words we choose reflect inner workings of how we operate and where we place expectations.

As a developer I’ve said and heard a phrase that sets a tone of success in just about anything we do, the phrase I speak of is “We can do anything.” Do those four words guarantee a project will complete on time or even at all? No. So many external factors influence a job or project that saying you can do anything won’t guarantee you have an opportunity to prove it.

I’m seeing that the attitude factor theory is reinforced as true more and more as time marches on and my little stash of personal-professional experiences continues to grow. Simply stated: the success or failure of things we do in our life are gauged by our attitude. The general disposition we set forth when approaching a new project or assignment will say a lot for how things turn out. Even failure in the right light is more adventure than defeat. There is more to how attitude works than that though.

As a person of faith I am called to focus less on how much I can accomplish and more on how I can do work that bears the signature of excellence. I’m a work in progress all the days I am on the earth and I expect no more and no less from those who I interact with than the bar I live under. Living our life “in progress” frees us from the productivity bars that are raised all around and enforces more of that which comes from deep inside the person. It’s a benefit to everyone when the measure is “your very best” as opposed to “keep up with the rest.” Your very best is going to constantly get better so there’s no room for finding a comfy place and just growing old in one place. In our immaturity we do immature things in immature ways. Experience brings us fluidity and efficiency that ultimately catapults us into being more valuable to all of our professional and personal satellites.

In the process of gaining maturity we leave the foolish and naive ways behind; ultimately moving toward temperament the allows our history to teach rather than torture others. The exceptions are those bad apples that refuse to be helped or fail to recognize selfish contention that actually undermines morale and community spirit all around them. The “bad apples” just need to be managed, much like the baby that had a meltdown at Chili’s. Sometimes the right way to handle a destructive person is to remove them from the environment where the dysfunction occurs; other times establishing a different pecking order can work. Ignoring or approaching the bad apple effect as minimal importance is never the right way to handle it. I would highly recommend Lister and DeMarco’s book Peopleware to anyone interested in maximizing group relationship management.

I have no doubt that most would fundamentally agree with this post. The tough part is for those who have the “But….” beginning to roll off their tongues. Right now you’re in or you’re not. If you are “in” then shake the dust off your feet and get ready to move on. I don’t know what else to say… the rain falls for both those who deserve it and those who don’t.

Nuff preachin’. seeya.