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There might be nothing that can get you in trouble quicker than your mouth. The unbridled tongue can end up doing irreparable damage, plant seeds that lead to certain downfall, and in general make you out to be a fool. From biblical inspiration to common professional knowledge there is a general necessity to share (or disclose) less than we often do.

A Tongue marks the fool

The thread in my mind started as I watched a kid unfold some sort of video blog that was so far off course that it was funny. The poor person somehow had made some far reaching assumptions about the windows tracert feature and completely missed the mark. As I watched the video unfold the whole thing became terribly painful as I realized it wasn’t a joke. Then I began reading some (crude and arrogant) comments people made about the video… until I hit one that made me sit back and think about the fun I was having at a child’s expense. One lone good samaritan turned the aggressive commenters on their heads and asked whether anyone had tried to bring NextGenHacker101 around to see the light instead of chasing him off of youTube. Though the hordes had blood in their eyes and continued on relentlessly, the point was valid.

I put myself in the shoes of a kid that:

• spent the time to pick up how to use a video capture tool.



• practiced a script for delivery of a message.



• stuck his head out and over the chopping block by publishing the video to YouTube.

Proverbs 29:15 tells us “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” I believe what happened in our NextGenHacker101 thread was both shame and rebuke. Really, this is a misinformed child. Someone should have helped to make sure the message was correct, but instead the kid forged a path to embarassment and incited some responses that a child that age should never have endured. I would warn anyone easily offended away from reading the comments under the video, they are easily avoided if you just refrain from scrolling down to them.

Psalms 15:5 Only a fool despises a parent’s discipline; whoever learns from correction is wise.

I am thankful I work with a group of people that openly, yet respectfully, vett assumptions and postulation among our team. If I had been abused like that kid was on youTube I might just give it all up. I will not endorse the message he delivered since it is laughable and foolish in reality. I do wonder how many people really do care enough to kindly correct the people who act in ignorance and then just move on.

The tongue lets poison and violence loose

Psalms 15 (1) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. (2) The wise person makes learning a joy; fools spout only foolishness. I laugh at mean humor, so acerbic and aggressive posts rife with satire and facetiousness can sometimes afford me great humor. On the other hand, beating down the worth of someone is totally different. I also have low tolerance for vulgarity. I’ve noticed some far reaching trends in the wild of our internet where folks are comfortable dropping extremely hurtful and offensive posts in areas that should be treated as PG at worst.

The challenge on this part of bridling the tongue dwells in the fact that we don’t all walk the same path, nor are we at the same point of wisdom. I’ve met MANY teenage children that seem to build their strength and confidence in strong language. I don’t know whether parents of the kids that are using offensive language don’t care or don’t know… but the actions of our children have a direct reflection upon the entire family.

I think more damage can be done in one offensive post or comment than a lifetime of kindness can repair. Although I don’t agree with the phrase “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” I do believe we can share our thoughts without demeaning the one we are delivering our message to. I really see a whole bunch of “more experienced” people looking the fool in their brutal and worthless comments. It would have been better to just chuckle to themselves and stay quiet. The hurtful comment posters just kinda remind me of bad apples.

I’ll drift a little here to include the “Bad Apple” in team and group interactivity. The bad apple effect is poison in and of itself and carries both foolishness and poisonous words/actions into the mix. A common mistake we commit is to distance ourselves and loosely tolerate the bad apple. This in and of itself is a destructive practice (IMHO). I am constantly amazed at the way bad apples are considered valuable enough to tolerate. Value at what cost? Misery and ineffective teamwork?

Psalm 50:19 You let your mouth loose in evil And your tongue frames deceit.

If you are interested in doing some reading on how bad things really are with current corporate handling of bad apples then here are a couple references:

1. Jeff Atwood at Coding Horror frequently addresses things like team espionage and generally destructive behavioral issues with teams. Comment threads to many of Jeff’s blog posts are more entertaining and frighteningly enlightening than the post itself.



2. InfoQ published an article called Handling Your Team’s “Rotten Apple” that goes into pretty good detail.

Okay…. back on track

I’ve painted a pretty glum view of how bad the things we say can be. Actually, I’ve gotten a little preachy here haven’t I? Only because this is a topic that seems to constantly arise. I struggle with how (and how not to) phrase the things I say. I could easily pat myself on the back and say “hey, at least I’m not as bad as other commenters”… how about you?

Psalms 15:22 Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many counselors bring success. 23 Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!

We’ve come to the end of this post, this is where the culmination of everything I’ve said is supposed to come together and my message should completely gel. You can forget that. How to view someones IP address and connection speed! is one of the all time dumbest YouTube videos I’ve watched to date. That kid might not go down as good as the Star Wars Kid but deserves to. I will cherish his video that resembles the folly of a child left unchecked. I will NOT crush his self esteem nor will I attempt to make myself look better by attacking his effort in some barrage of insensitive banter. C’mon… he’s a child, cut him some slack and help him figure it out. That temptation to be mean to someone who has practiced a little ignorance would be better used in self deprecation… which is much more fun than what would otherwise be an attack.

Something like “Wow, kid. You and me are now in the same league. I super glued my nostrils shut to keep from sneezing once because I believed plugging the hole would stop the sneeze… but I blew my eardrums out instead. Don’t use tracert to trap other people’s IP addresses to a website because that’s not what it does… and never glue your nose shut.. it hurts”.

Oh, and please kill me if he ever dates my daughter. (Just kidding… I couldn’t resist)